#1: Norma Dee (norm0908) on Oct 9, 2018

Cool. Well it all started on February 4 th. I think I mentioned to my webpbn family about my wife Niki's jealousy issues. I suffered for 8 long years learning to deal with that. We had family support agencies counselling us. I was going for mental health sessions to learn how to handle her jealousy and how to deal with the stress created by her jealousy. It wasn't easy but I wanted to do anything and everything I could to save my family. We were fighting constantly in front of the children and that was WRONG. I'll do this in stages Norma.
On February 4th,I lost my cool and slapped Niki across the face. That was very wrong and I'm not proud of it. I lost control and there is no excuse for doing it. I only slapped her once and then she and her teenage son JD started beating on me. JD beat me over the head with his iPad while Niki punched me in the face. I did not retaliate because my girls were screaming and crying. So I walked away to let everyone calm down. Once things settled, I layer down on the couch to nap.
I woke up to voices talking to Niki. They were RCMP officers. Now she didn't call them. She posted something on fb and someone from Ontario( probably family) called them. Well, even though I took the beating ,I was arrested for assault. They had to release me however because I had no priors ,I've been clean all my life. However they put a no contact order with my wife on me for 1 year. That makes me suddenly homeless.
This did not make Niki happy because now she ends up having to do everything involved in running a home and family alone. I use to do everything Norma. Niki spent all or most of her time smoking weed. Now I had to find somewhere to live ,but I have very little money cause I'm on my old age pension and I am deep in debt.
I talked to my mental health worker after spending 1 night in a motel. She gave me some options for housing. The one I chose was a place called Harvest House in Plaster Rock NB. I chose that cause it was the closest place for me to see my kids. They said they could offer me emergence shelter in the form of a couch to sleep on for a few days till I could figure out what I could do.
Now comes the interesting part. My mental health worker arranged s ride to take me to Harvest House. Now HH statement is " People with compassion for people in need". They tend to offer low cost shelter to people recovering from addictions. These were not my kind of people Norma, but that was me being judgmental. I talked to a guy by the name of Aaron DeMerchant. He is the founder of HH in Plaster Rock. There are many Harvest House's in Atlantic Canada. This dude is one strange looking dude. My first thought was " Oh crap, what have I done". But after a minute of talking to him I knew I came to the right place. This man is awesome. He also happens to be a pastor.
Aaron says I can sleep on a couch cause all the rooms are taken. He says that there is a lot of Faith based activities that go on there. I told him that I am not a believer, and I really wasn't Norma. I stopped believing when I was around 8 or 9 yrs old. Aaron days no problem you can go somewhere in town if you don't want to be exposed to the faith stuff. I said no,I'm open. That was the wisest thing I ever said.
He said cool and introduced me to the people who live there and are taking part in a 12 step up program. These people are drug addicts going through recovery. They are extremely nice. They made me feel welcome and I felt like I was in a good place. The next morning,I joined them in what they call Overcomers,which is part of the 12 step program. Similar to what they do at AA.
That was it. I was hooked. I couldn't see this coming Norma,but I was on my way to being saved. No one was pushing this on me. I don't know where you stand with your faith in God,Norma but it doesn't matter. This was God deciding that he wanted me to be with him and the Holy Spirit came into me and from that point on I was headed for salvation. If you are not a believer Norma and would rather I stop my story,please say so cause I understand. But if you would like me to carry on please say so.
Youth,old people like me,anyone in need. And if they can't help you they take you where someone can. They are an awesome organization. As I spent time there I took part in everything I could. It seemed like I couldn't get enough of it. I had to admit that I was a born again Christian. I couldn't ignore it and to be honest with you,as much as I judged other born again Christians in the past. I was more than happy to confess that became one.Pastor Aaron saw a difference in me and he offered for me to move into the building because a room became vacant. I told him I would love that but that I had no money. He said we would work things out. I volunteered for everything to pay for my keep,and I got involved in everything I could. I started to go to the Church that everyone was going too and I was welcomed with open arms by all . Aaron was so impressed and happy with what was happening to me. He told me that he had been praying for God to send someone to HH to help him cause it is a lot of work and commitment to look after some of these people. He figured I was the answer to his prayers and he immediately advised the board of directors to hire me to look after the building. The pay was free rent and food. I found a home.
Meanwhile,I had court dates to go to because of my assault charge. This took awhile but eventually the charges were dropped. I had to pay a fine and put on probation but the no contact order was dropped. The only problem was that it took so long between court dates and the no contact order being dropped that Niki was not able to cope. I introduced her to some people that were involved in HH,thinking that it would be helpful for her to meet some people her age. One of the people I introduced her too was a guy named Danny. He and I roomed together and we became good friends. He ended up getting asked to leave HH because he violated the rules 3 times because of smoking weed on HH property. That is s huge no no. Niki asked me if he could stay at our house and pay rent. This would help him and Niki. They both assured me that I could trust them,and like a fool I believed them. However looking back on it I believe this was part of God's plan for me.
My faith in the Lord just got stronger with everything that got thrown at me. Niki and Danny became a couple,and as hard as that was for me because I still loved her despite what she put me through. But the Lord was looking after me. I prayed for strength to deal with the thoughts of another man being with my wife and kids. The Lord gave me the strength to deal. Niki however was going down a dark road. Her and Danny started spending so much time smoking weed that they were neglecting the children. Whenever I got to see my kids they were dirty,not properly dressed,the house was filthy. She was in a bad place. I let her have our new van because she needed a vehicle to get the kids to appointments,do shopping and other stuff. I was in town so I could walk everywhere. The only bad thing about that was she spent most of her time and money looking for places to get drugs. The other problem was that the van was in my name and so was the insurance only in my name. She started letting Danny drive the van. Well Danny doesn't have a license.
I told Niki she had to stop letting him drive. If they were to have an accident while he was driving my insurance would not cover me. I could end up being sued. She didn't stop. She also kept asking me for money even though I was paying all the bills and she gets far more money from the Canadian government than I do. I eventually had to file with a Trustee to apply for a Consumer Agreement. This means you pay a certain amount of money to the trustee for 5 yrs and then your debt is played in full. You don't pay any interest. You have to give up your credit cards. I also had to take my name off the home and the van and insurance. This meant that she had to pay for these things if she wanted to stay in the house and keep the van. I was also paying child support through the government.
I was looking for a place where I could have my kids spend weekends with me. Harvest House is not equipped for families. I applied for housing with the Town of Plaster Rock and I also checked into buying an older home that came up for sale in town. It was an estate sale. In case you don't know Norma,housing in Plaster Rock New Brunswick is very in inexpensive. Well before I was able to get housing,Niki and her new boyfriend were in a severe car accident. Niki was badly injured and her boyfriend was on his death bed. I fortunately had my kids for a visit,so they weren't in the van.
The bad thing though was that I had nowhere to keep my kids. I went to my home with the kids but when I saw the condition of the house I wouldn't let my kids stay in that mess. It was that bad Norma. I took the kids back to HH to stay with me that night,only to be told that I couldn't keep them there. I was told that I had to call Child Protective Services to have my kids put in foster care. I tried hard to secure housing but couldn't get it done in time. So I called to have my children put in foster care. That was the hardest thing I've ever done. It turned out to be the best thing I ever did.
My girls ended up with a wonderful Christian family and my step son's ended up with a different wonderful Christian family. Through this trial they all found the Lord and they were all being well cared for. They no longer were living in filth,they were properly clothed,and very happy. Meanwhile Niki healed from her injuries and her boyfriend lived. Niki and I had to sign a three month contract for the kids to be in Foster Care and then it would be reviewed to see if Niki could get the children back. They wouldn't even consider me.
Well soon after that,I found a way to buy that house that was an estate sale. I paid $12,000 for it,and it is a great house. I know that's hard to believe Norma,but that's how inexpensive it is to buy a house here in Plaster Rock. Niki now has the children back,and I get them every other weekend for overnight visits in my new,old home. Oh I forgot to mention that when I got to HH I started playing music again. Aaron is a great musician as are a lot of others in this community. There was a bass guitar there at HH and I started playing it and now we at HH have 2 bands that I play bass for. One band is a faith based rock band and the other band is a jug band,and I play a washtub bass in that one. I'm having a great time doing it and we're very busy playing gigs all the time. In fact we're playing a gig tomorrow at the Plaster Rock library. I'm sure someone will video tape it and post it. If they do I'll share with you through Messenger. You can't miss me. I'll be the cool old dude hovering over a washtub,and I'll wear my shades.
I hope I didn't bore you Norma. All I can say is that through tragedy,the Lord sought me to bring me to salvation and save me from the miserable chains of jealousy that Niki imposed on me. And my children are much happier because they don't have to see mommy and daddy fight anymore. I have a great life and I've gotten closer to all 5 kids. Niki will have to work on her own situation. If she's smart she'll see how good life can be and she'll stop her drug use and stop living in sin.

Norma, thanks for sharing Aldege's story. You are an angel.

Aldege, I'm so happy you let Norma share your story here. I'm so happy you were able to pull your life back together, and to find all the blessings you have through your troubles. If I ever get to Plaster Rock, I'll have to look you up and come watch you play a gig. Big hugs to you and the kids.

Wow. Just wow.

I want to come hear you at the Plaster Rock library! I bet making that music together is sweet. So glad you made it through the hard times and out the other end. Thanks for sharing your story.

Thank you, Aldège, for trusting us enough to let Norma tell us. It means that you know we care a lot about you and your kids, and that you're safe with us. Carry on carrying on, and keep us posted when you can. If I ever get to Fredericton again, you can be sure I'll make a detour to Plaster Rock. Chin up, and may whichever God you believe in be with you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Aldege! Can't wait for more updates! :)

Wow, so much to endure. Thanks for all your puzzles and the fun and fun challenges they offer. My very best wishes for you, Aldege. Be well.

same ol' same ol' huh?

Wow this is a lot to process. You get to know the people in this community like a family and hate to see family members suffer. I sure hope everything works out.

From Aldege: Thanks everyone for your support. Don't feel too bad for me or worry about me gang. I'm getting through this with my head held up high. I'm a fighter and a doer and life will just get better as I watch my girls grow up and do whatever it takes to make their lives good. I have the Lord at my side guiding me and giving me strength. Everything will definitely work out.

I echo what Brian said, Aldege. Your children are a big part of it. I hope they come through this difficult time without getting caught up in problems they are too young to process well. Maybe, with more counseling help, you and Niki will be able to reconcile someday...or at least get along well enough to share the kids' growing up years.

I'm editing this because while I was responding, Norma relayed your message...and it is filled with hope. I'm glad you plan to be in their lives big time because they all need their daddy as well as their mommy.

Thanks JoDeen. I will do my best to be the kind of father that my kids deserve. The only way Niki and I could reconcile if if she could get help with her jealousy issues,stop smoking cigarettes and weed and be willing to try to believe in the Lord. She was a believer,so that shouldn't be a huge leap. She has given up cigarettes and weed before when we decided we wanted to have children together. She always wanted to be clean when she was pregnant. This relationship she is in has no future. She will see that in time. I just hope she will have the strength to end it when the time comes. I'm not trying to be mean but this young man has nothing to offer. He's never held a job,has been in jail many times and refuses to get clean. He's poorly groomed,knows nothing about how to take care of a house,is not mechanically inclined,doesn't know how to manage money or keep files,etc..etc. I don't get it. And I'm not sure I can forgive her for cheating on me. I show a lot of grace and forgiveness,but this could be a tough one. I think I can do it with some counselling. Time will tell. However the Lord works in mysterious ways and who knows he might have a different plan. I'll be honest there are a lot of beautiful Christian women that have shown interest in me but I told them that the Lord wants me to respect his laws and not go there till I'm sure that it's over between Niki and me. Well I'm pretty sure it is but I asked Niki if she would be willing to talk to me when she gets back from Ontario. I'll find out for sure then. I'm not going to jump into a relationship too quickly though. I will be careful. Especially considering my kids. They've gone through enough already. It's time for some stability.

Thank you for sharing Aldege. And thank You Lord for breathing new life into this family. Your love is amazing.

Thanks Joanne. God is amazing and he loves us so much he sent his only begotten son to die for our sins. Praise you Lord.

More from Aldege:

Hi Norma. I have some fairly exciting news. I managed to get on webpbn through Google on my cheap tablet. However when I tried to great a puzzle,my tablet is too small and I couldn't actually create easily. I talked to my buddy Pastor Aaron DeMerchant who runs Harvest House Tobique in Plaster Rock and he says he has a computer that he is going to set up at Harvest House for community use. I volunteer there almost daily so I'll be able to create and communicate with my webpbn family very soon.

Yes indeed. I have to say Norma and I hope you don't find this weird but... I can't help believing that the good Lord made it so for you to find me the way you did. You contacting me came at the most opportune time for me. I'm usually extremely upbeat and positive,but I was in a bad place when you contacted me. I really needed some support and miraculously you contact me and thanks to you I got support from the rest of my webpbn family. You have no idea how much I appreciate all the love and support I got from you guys. It's been very hard losing Niki to a guy like Danny and I'm missing my kids a lot. I have no real idea as to when they will return. I was talking to Niki through messenger and she is showing some remorse in what has happened. I told her that I am too,,but I also told her that God is telling me that he will give me the strength to forgive and that he wants this family restored. I hope I'm not being a fool. But I'm just having a hard time giving up on this family. My thoughts are that if it is God's will it shall be done. Otherwise I'll gladly go where God's plan is for me.
I was busy getting insurance on my house and on the car that I'm buying tomorrow so I didn't get to find out if anyone is going to post our band playing yesterday,but I will check into that tomorrow. In the meantime did I mention to you about the home grown sitcom that two of my friends Pastor Mike Chase and Rabbi Kris Shoemaker have started. You can watch it on YouTube by searching Raybashkatan or Home Accents which is the title of the sitcom. These two men do a lot of work in our community. Mike Chase belongs to the same Church that I belong to,and both men volunteer and support Harvest House bid time. As a matter of fact if you look for Perth Andover Baptist Church on Facebook you will probably see and hear me playing bass guitar with the worship team. I joined the worship team last Sunday at Pastor Michael Frederik's request,and I'll be playing with them again this Sunday. I'm sitting on a chair on stage so I'm not sure how well you can see me. I haven't even watched it yet myself. Anyway this sitcom is being made to try to showcase our beautiful province of New Brunswick and mostly our own Victoria County which Plaster Rock is in. I encourage you to watch it. It's quite funny. It might be hard for people who don't know anything about our area or the people and things that are so familiar to us. However I think you still might find it entertaining. They have 2 episodes available to watch so far and there will be more coming soon. I will be in an upcoming episode. Pastor Mike Chase who is in the show now looks like my twin. It's scary how much we look alike. So don't mistake him for me. Please share this too Norma if you don't mind and all who watch the sitcom it would be cool if you could press the like button and the subscribe button too so that you will get updates about the show. Let me know please if you were able to watch it and if you liked it. Thank you and I love you guys

Oh, Aldege, What you've been through!
Solving your puzzles (especially the autobigraphical ones) and reading some of your comments, I've felt that I know you, and could see that you're a good, caring man. I share the feelings expressed here by our webpbn family and hope everything turns out well for you.
Susan

To Susan:
Thanks Susan so much. I am a good man. Hey anyone out there looking brig a good man. Apparently I'm available. Lol

Wow! It's been really intense reading this. Aldege, I am so sorry for your troubles, but it's wonderful that you've found help through God and a good Christian fellowship. Now you are my brother in Christ. Keep in mind that God doesn't always fix our problems, which may depend on other people, but He does help us through them, and so do our Christian friends. God bless you.

For Belita:
Thanks Belita. I understand what your saying about God not fixing our problems but he has answered my prayers and brought my wonderful webpbn family back to me for love and support as well as my great Christian brothers and sisters at Harvest House and Perth Andover Baptist Church, to help me through these hard times. I love all you guys and I thank you all so much for listening to my testimony. Praise the Lord our father for he is great.

im 7

Please remember people, there are two sides to every story. His account is only about 40% true. Most of his "story" is his opinions and wrong assumptions.

We know Aldege isn't perfect and I'm sure he'd say the same thing. We also know people will tend to spin things in their favor, but "most of his story" is just an account of what happened to him away from you (being saved, job, housing, etc). Even if I reduce the drug-use by 60% and the cheating by 60%, it still doesn't put you in a good light. Maybe I'm doing the math wrong. I hope I am...for your sake and Aldege's sake and, most especially, for your kids' sakes.

From Aldege:
Boy David have you ever hit the nail on the head. Its time to stop blaming and start going what is right for those kids. And I'm ready to do that. Thanks for understanding brother.

Wow I'm so glad I ran into this by accident. What a sad story, but a happy ending. Will there still be puzzles?

Vicki, Al is waiting until he has access to a computer. The place where he is volunteering is going to have a computer soon and Al will have access to it. So we should have some great puzzles from him soon.

Just so you know David, I have a medical prescription and licence.i am prescribed 2 grams a day and I don't even touch that amount. And I'm not reading again to find out if he told you how he pushed me and my BF together, but did he tell you that he described me in detail to this guy, all my sexual talents and just how "great I am", went into great detail about each sexual act and what made it so good. He told him exactly what I enjoy, and how to get to me. Then, he tells me to hang out with the guy. We find out we have a lot in common and start hanging out on a daily basis. We got along so well and he kept me away from all the guys Al thought I was going to cheat on him with since he assumed I was going to turn into a slut when he got taken away. We had Easter dinner here, and I think it was that day Danny started sleeping on my couch and shortly after Al suggested Danny move in cause it would help us both out. Al and everyone assumed because Danny and I were so close that we were intimate. We kept assuring him we weren't, he didn't believe us. Danny and I got in a horrible accident. Dannywas willing to give his life to make sure I was okay. I realized at that point that he had fallen in love with me. Almost almost losing him I realized I had developed feelings for him. I talked to Al about all of this after the accident. He said I needed to figure out what my feelings were for him. I still didn't get in a relationship with him but Al was vile for the longest time. Telling me we would never be able to get back together, he doesn't want to get back together, he wants nothing to do with me, he hates me, has no feelings for me, and then when my father died, Danny was there for me to cry on his shoulder since Al didn't give 2 shits that my dad died, didn't care that I was upset. He was the only one at the harvest house that evening that didn't hug me, or offer his condolences, and said I shouldn't bother going to Ontario, that I didn't need to. Danny's mother just died a year ago so he knows what I am going through, having gone through it recently, and was there for me through everything from getting ready to go, to being there during the viewing, to getting home safe. This brought us much closer. We did not become a couple until after the viewing, and after Al said he now knows he never wants anything to do with me ever again. He finds out I'm with Danny, and all of a sudden decides he wants me to ditch Danny and talk about reconciliation, but tells me it has to be immediately because he's dating someone he met in Wal-Mart.

From Aldege:
Thanks for sharing Norma. I said I wouldn't use this site as a forum and I won't. I will say this though. That's is some truth in what Niki is saying,however her perception of things are squewed. I will stand by what I say. We both made a lot of mistakes and I'm willing to accept responsibility for perhaps most of it. I still know the man I was before believing in God and I know the man that I have become since being reborn. I was the right man for Niki and my family before all this and I'm an even better man and more right for them now. I'm not going to say things about her lover although I could. All I'm saying now and I WON'T comment any further about this stuff on this site. All I'm saying now is that I will do and act the right way for my children's benefit. If we reconcile great,if we don't so be it. But I will guarantee that my children's view of their mother will NOT be tarnished by me from this day forward. And my children will grow up to understand the truth and they will love both of us for they will know that Mom and Dad love them.God bless you Niki and God bless all in my webpbn family. I love you all.

Hi Norma. I just wanted to share with you and our webpbn family about my weekend with my girls. Friday night the girls invited a school friend and her mom to come to my house for supper and to carve pumpkins. We had a great time and the pumpkins look amazing. Saturday we went to the park after breakfast and the girls met some friends there. They had a great time again. Then the mother of their friend that was at our house carving pumpkins invited the girls to spend time at her place,because I was hosting a men's night at my place with fellow Christian men from the local Churches and Harvest House. It was a wonderful evening. Tomorrow we're going to Church, then I take them home. Goodnight everyone. Thanks for your support.

How are the girls?

Hi Norma and Jota. It is great to hear from both of you. Thank you Norma for acting as a go between. I'm still having trouble with webpbn and life has gotten very busy and mixed up for me lately for me to be able to focus on getting webpbn up and running properly on my new computer,but I promise I will succeed and I will be with you daily soon. If I could get Niki here to my house she could fix it no problem. She's real good at this stuff. And at lots of other things as we all know. I hope you guys all understand that I still love Niki very much. She is my soul mate and a wonderful mother to my children. We both made mistakes and God had to step in and teach us some tough lessons,so that we would stop subjecting the children to the fighting. God is amazing and I have personally witnessed miracles from him and I believe that if God sees it fit he can reunite this family. That would take Niki giving God control of her life. I will not pine over Niki and sit waiting and hoping. God may have a better plan. I put my trust in him. NOW to answer Jota's question,the girls are doing great. At least when they are here with me on our weekends together. I just had them last weekend and we had an awesome time. Destyny who is 7 now looks and acts like she's 14. she is so beautiful and so mature. She is a huge help to her dad with looking after her sisters. Chastydy who is now 4 and will be 5 on Nov 25th, is something else. She is full of piss and vinegar and keeps dad going. She is relentlessly bugging me to play tickle and wrestling games and wanting to jump and crush me. Of course when we do this the other two girls get into the foray and we all end up having a great time. The only thing that saves me is when I announce that due to my extreme age Daddy needs a rest and feels like colouring for awhile. Chastydy will then help me off the floor acting like a woman who works at a nursing home helping pick me up off the floor. She is so caring. She wants to help me cook and clean and of course as much as that slows things down for me,I take her help and we do all this stuff together. This is where I always excelled in my parenting folks. I always encouraged and taught my children how to do things and I always encouraged and welcomed their wanting to help. It' the perfect time and opportunity to bond with your child. Niki never had the patience for this sort of stuff. This is where Niki and I were a good team. She excelled at the things I didn't and vice versa. Now let's talk about Paytyn who is going through the terrible 2 stage. She may be the cutest and smartest of the three. She talks so clearly that people are amazed she's only 2,she is extremely loving and happy and is just the most amazing child. She shows signs of jealousy when dad pays attention to her sisters,but that's normal at her age and she has attitude like her mother lol. So folks as you can see I have been blessed with 3 amazing,loving and beautiful girls. Not to mention also my two oldest children who are age 44 and 42. I am a very lucky man. There is nothing greater than getting my girls dressed in their pretty dresses for church on Sunday and seeing the smiles on the faces of all my Christian brothers and sisters as we come in. They all love my girls and me and they love what God has done for me to make me the father that those girls deserve. I hope you all don't mind that I gave you this long answer to the question from Jota about how are the girls. I could of just said great,but I know you guys all love us too and I have a feeling many of you my welcome this long description to "HOW ARE THE GIRLS"Talk to you all again soon gang and if anyone wants to do a friend request on facebook to me please do and please put in there that you are with our webpbn family so that I will be able to recognize you. Norma and I almost didn't connect because I didn't recognize who she was at first. But God wanted us to cause he knew I needed you guys cause I was in a bad place and your support has really helped me. THANKS GANG.

If you want to "friend" Aldege, as he he asks, he is listed as Al Cholette. His picture is dark and it shows what looks like part of a couch, part of an end table and part of an easy chair.

Thanks so much!

This was a lot to take in.. I remember seeing this all unfold on social media back then. But I saw it from Niki's side. Interesting to see the other side now. Though it's only part of the story, it definitely comes together. Hoping things are going well for all now that some time has passed.

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